Dr. Adam Fisher was recently featured in The New York Times article “8 Phrases to Help Your Relationship Thrive” (September 12, 2025), which gathered insights from leading couple therapists on the “magic words” that can strengthen bonds, even in the middle of disagreement.
Dr. Fisher shared some of his favorite phrases to help couples step out of conflict and into connection:
“What do you feel that I’m not getting about your experience?”
He explained that in every relationship, there are times where one or both partners don’t feel fully understood. In those moments, it’s easy to slip into mind-reading — assuming we know what our partner is thinking or feeling. Dr. Fisher emphasized that directly naming the story we’re telling ourselves, while also opening space for the partner’s perspective, can be both clarifying and validating, such as saying, “The story I’m telling myself about this is that you don’t care. But how do you actually feel?”
Dr. Fisher also suggested another validating phrase:
“I want to understand more where you’re coming from.”
This type of language helps couples pause, zoom out, and shift from assumption to curiosity, fostering deeper understanding and more compassionate communication. Dr. Fisher notes that any shift or change in the types of communication or words partners use may itself require some clear communication. "I'd like to try something else here in terms of how I talk to you during an argument..." There are often pitfalls when one or both partners try out something new, even if it's more healthy, he says. Be patient as the communication styles are updated!
The full New York Times article, “8 Phrases to Help Your Relationship Thrive,” can be read here.
