Discernment Counseling for Couples Considering Separation or Divorce
Short-term, structured guidance for couples who have made a lifelong commitment (e.g., marriage), and at least one partner is now considering separation or divorce.
Couples on the Brink of Divorce
Discernment counseling is a short-term consultation (1–5 sessions; up to 10 in cases of ongoing infidelity). This approach is designed to assist married couples "on the brink" of divorce or separation to gain more confidence and clarity regarding whether to 1) maintain the status quo but with new insights, 2) separate or divorce, or 3) work on the marriage for 6 months with divorce off the table for that period of time.
Discernment counseling requires that both partners be at least somewhat open to considering working on the marriage (even 1% is good enough!), but it is not marital therapy. Instead, it is a consultation designed to help you decide whether or not to try to work on the relationship, when one spouse is "leaning out" of the marriage but has not made a final decision. As one of about 100 therapists in the country who belong to the Discernment Counseling Community, I consult with other discernment counselors who have received extensive training in this approach. I also attend the 2-day training every year with Bill Doherty, the creator of the model.
Getting Started with Discernment Counseling
In my experience, 3–4 sessions total is most common. Regardless, each session is scheduled one at a time: if you commit to the initial session, that does not imply your commitment to any subsequent sessions. The decision to reschedule is made during each session.
1
Each partner individually contact me, expressing their interest in the process. It is recommended that you first read about discernment counseling, if you have not done so already: click here.
2
Complete some initial paperwork online (3–5 minutes).
3
Set up phone calls (15–20 minutes each), to determine whether or not to move forward with an initial session of discernment counseling, make sure no one is being pressured to participate, ensure safety, and ask questions about the process.
4
If discernment counseling is the right fit, complete the rest of the paperwork (5–10 minutes), and schedule an initial session of discernment counseling. This session will take about an hour and 50 minutes total.
5
Subsequent sessions (if desired) are 80 minutes.
Discernment Counseling - Rates
Initial Phone Screening
$50
10–20 minutes/partner
These calls are a chance for you to ask any questions you may have, to ensure safety, and make sure discernment counseling is the right fit for both partners. If you decide to move forward with the process, the $50 fee will be deducted from the cost of the initial session.
Initial Session of Discernment Counseling
$450
110 minutes
These sessions can be held over Zoom or in person. Both partners attend; I will meet with you together first, followed by individual conversations, with a joint summary at the end.
Middle Sessions
$350
80 minutes
Middle sessions spend more time in individual conversations with me, designed to gain confidence and clarity about the three paths, understand each person’s contributions to the problems, and gain insight into the problematic patterns in the marriage.
Transition Session
$250
50 minutes
Joint session as needed for guidance and planning in starting the new path (i.e., status quo with new clarity, divorce, or a 6-month all-out effort in couple therapy)
Reach out to see if I can help.
Would you like to schedule an initial phone screening for discernment counseling? Contact me for the next steps. Be sure to have your partner contact me as well, after reading a little about the discernment counseling process.
